A Conversation Beyond Words

Whenever I take the bus to work, I usually sit with my head buried in a book and value the time as ‘mine’. The morning ride is typically quiet anyway, as most people are reading their papers and doing the same as I. Today, was different though. I had great company for at least half the ride, because I ran into an old friend.

I actually saw Terry yesterday on the bus, and I have seen him before at the last moment before he got off. Today however, I was able to stop and chat with him for a moment and re-introduce myself as ‘Mrs. Kolonick, Chris’ mom’, before going on to take my seat. When Terry’s face lit up with recognition, and the biggest smile I’ve ever seen, my heart was warmed. I told him Chris will be so happy that I saw him, and I would be sure to say hello for him.

I took my seat then, and I watched Terry holding his head to his hand in amazement that he saw me, and the excitement was just radiating from him. He turned around, smiled at me again, and then came back to join me in my seat. I was happy to have his company.

We had the most pleasant conversation. Terry works at a vocational training center, and rides the bus every day. He works from 8am – 2pm. His job is sorting things in to bins, and his hands get cut and scraped a bit. Terry has cerebral palsy and his hands are ‘tight’, especially his left, so it’s challenging work for him, but he likes it very much. Terry would much rather be working at a job than being in school! In January he starts a new job washing windows, and he is happy about the change.

Terry is excited for Christmas, and he is hoping he gets the Playstation 3. I told him secretly that Chris is getting a PS3, and that made Terry so happy. Terry loves to play video games, and sometimes stays up too late playing. Today in fact, Terry was very tired because he stayed up until 11:00 last night playing games.

Terry is doing great health-wise, because he has not had any seizures in a very long time. I shared with him that Chris has bad days once in awhile, but overall he is doing great. Terry was very pleased to hear that. Terry is living with his grandma, who takes good care of him.

Terry gets to take breaks at work and he loves to play basketball in the gym. I told him that is good exercise, and he should keep that up. He agreed. I shared some pictures of Chris on my cell phone and Terry’s eyes just lit up with joy. He said Chris is getting big! Terry has a new earring in his left ear, and he now has a beard and mustache. I told him Chris will not believe the mustache! Then Terry took my cell phone and punched in his phone number for me, and I promised him that we would call and set up a day for him to come and visit Chris. Terry was so overcome with excitement. It was very touching. Terry then signalled his stop, and we said goodbye with promises to see each other again soon.

My heart was warmed at seeing Terry. Terry is 22 years old, and left school a year ago to start his job. For the two years that he and Chris were in school together, they were great friends. They have a lot in common, and we had Terry to our house one afternoon and it was just such a treat for Mike & I to watch the two of them together. On Terry’s last day of school, there was a going away party for him, and the next day, Chris had one seizure after another and had to miss school. I knew immediately that Chris was overcome with sadness that his friend was ‘gone’, and that strong emotional surge in his brain is what caused his seizures that day.

The most compelling aspect of my conversation with Terry this morning though?

Terry did not say one word. Not one.

Just like Chris. Not one word. People around me on the bus could not help but listen and stare – I could feel it….but Terry had so much to say. And I heard him loud and clear.

If there is one great lesson that I have learned from my own son, sometimes it’s best to listen with your heart, not your ears – when we listen with our heart, we can hear, and feel, so much more.